Okay ladies, this is a confessional blog post about modesty. This is not meant to be a legalistic blog or a condemning blog but just my journey and my confession that I have not always walked the walk in regards to modesty.
I am grateful for a husband who desires for me to dress modestly, however I have at times not liked this and thought he wanted me to dress like the “Amish”. It definately does come down to a “heart” issue and “humilty”. Humbling oneself to dress in a way that would not make others stumble.
I think we as Christian women do not dress modestly for several reasons. One reason would be we are “striving”, maybe we struggle with a low self esteem and we are striving to prove that we still have it. Meaning, we are “attractive” or are desirable. I know these feelings, after having three kids and about to turn 30. We desire to be just as attractive as the others around us. There are so many images of what beauty is bombarding women in the world and even in the church world.
I find it interesting that I don’t struggle with the temptation to dress immodestly or worry about what I am wearing until I am around that “group” of people. Since I have been out of the mainstream church circles for a while, I notice that it doesn’t concern me as much. But you know those circles…and I am talking of church circles where everyone is dressed so hip and cool. Some of the outfits really attracting the eye… when I am around these people I noticed that I start feeling very aware of how I am dressed and how “they” are dressed. I have even noticed myself- trying to dress to fit in when I am around that “crowd”. Now something is wrong with this picture.
When I am around “that crowd” I also struggle with jealousy- my mind is preoccupied with, “I hope Travis is looking at that!” “Oh my gosh, I can see her thong!” When women are dressed immodestly, I lose respect for them and immediately think that they are out to cause men to stumble. Now I know that is not true, but it is a struggle I have and a distrust of women.
I also notice myself when I am around my refugee friends trying to dress down and feeling a bit guilty for caring about what I wear, when they wear the same things over and over. Or if they have strict cultural modesty guidelines I try to dress appropriately. My Muslim friends would be appalled in our churches at the way women dress. Their standard has definitely challenged me and made me think about this issue.
I think another reason we dress immodestly is out of pride. We want to show off what we have and we want others to know it. It takes humility to wear clothes that don’t flatter as much.
I just wonder if others see what I see and struggle the way I do. I see Christian women showing off their goods in short shorts and sports bra tops at the Gym. I see moms going to pick up their kids at a Christian school in short tennis skirts and tops and I think are they even aware of what they are doing. It is distracting and even I notice and I am a woman.
I just want to give props to all those ladies out there who dress modestly- I admire you. Thank you for making it easier for me as I struggle with this. I also just want to be clear that I am not perfect at this, it is a very fine line when getting dressed-whether you are dressing to attract or to be attractive.
If you know me, you know I love cute clothes-and I buy all my classic style clothes at the Goodwill. But I want to be known as a woman who is beautiful on the inside-who is not striving for the world’s stamp of approval. It only gets worse as we get older wanting to look like the younger crowd. Our beauty is
Christ in us- I want to be confident and beautiful because of the Love of Jesus working in and through my life. I am not there yet, I still care. I still don’t like to leave the house without a little lipstick. I still am a little self-conscious. But I am growing….
I would love your thoughts on this topic…..
1 Peter 3:3
Your adornment must not be merely external–braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
7 Comments
March 31, 2009 at 5:41 am
Hi Beth, I really like what you have to say about modesty. I didn’t fully understand this issue until I was married and Sean explained it from the male perspective.
I have to admit that I too struggle with my wardrobe. I want to look cute and hip, but 99% of the time I’m doing it for the wrong reasons.
March 31, 2009 at 6:34 am
Yes, Beth. Yes.
I’m of the personal opinion that there are only two kinds of Christian women: the ones who will tell you their appearance doesn’t cause problems in the way they interact with other believers, and the ones who will tell you the truth…
There’s SO much more I’d like to say, but it’s well after 1AM. God willing, we can talk more about it soon.
April 2, 2009 at 6:20 pm
I’m a guy who struggles with noticing. What I’ve found is that girls are often just like me… I often have very little faith and do not live like a believe God loves me and is pleased with me, His son. As a result I look elsewhere for affirmation.
Sometimes the places in which I look for such affirmation is the attention of someone of the opposite sex. i’ve noticed that Christians and non-Christians, married and unmarried all enjoy this kind of attention and one way of obtaining it is by dressing in a way to get it. Or, for me, by using my words or “confidence” to obtain it.
Regardless, we are looking for our comfort and satisfaction in the wrong places when we look to receive them from something other than God.
September 11, 2009 at 3:35 am
Thanks for sharing this Bryan. I want to pass it on if that’s okay.
April 13, 2009 at 11:41 pm
You have helped men everywhere if women will follow what you have written (smiles).
May 3, 2009 at 3:40 am
Hi,
I think your thoughts on this subject are very good and I agree with your perspective on this topic. I believe even as Christian women we struggle with a need to be desired which really stems from the sin of pride! Thanks for sharing your heart!
I pray that the Lord will strengthen you to continue to live for His glory and not for the praise of men!
Love in Christ Jesus,
Pam Leding
“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24
June 2, 2009 at 12:58 pm
I agree with dressing in modest clothing.I use to dress more modest than I do now.
My husband is not a Christian and likes the way that I dress.He hates it when I dress in my modest clothes.
This is a huge struggle for me.Even though I feel pretty and sexy at times,it’s wrong and I know God does not approve.I desire to please the Lord,but I am also suppose to be submissive to my husband.
What’s a girl to do?